Born and raised believing in the Catholic Church is much different in what I believe in today. My journey began around Jan 2015. My son was almost 1. My son’s dad and I cut off all ties other than the few interactions while dropping off or picking up the baby. During this time, as any mother can imagine, I hit rock bottom. A close friend of mine from my early 20’s til now, witnessed to me about what a relationship with Jesus really was. This was crazy to me because is was nothing like what I was taught growing up in the catholic church. One of the many times I was hysterically crying to her, she asked me a question that til this day sticks out in my mind; “what if I told you that everything you are worrying about is already being taken care of by someone else?” I said “ Man, I wish”. Her response, “ Well, God is your Father and He has already sorted everything out , it’s going to be perfect, IF you trust HIM. NOW is your time to really go to Him. He has been waiting for you”
That night, after I put the baby to bed, I knelt down on my bedroom floor, cried out to the Lord, and gave my life to Jesus. I began to watch Daystar around the clock. I bought a bible and a notebook. I was in the WORD every day. Seeking God, praying for my family and friends. As this all was happening, as my focus was solely on seeking God and His kingdom, I began to change. My heart began to change. God was changing and healing me. I was no longer that person operating from a place of hurt and insecurity. I was able to love those who did me wrong. I was able to apologize to those I did wrong to. I was seeing life through what I like to call "Jesus Goggles" aka LOVE. God was pruning me; taking away all things that were not of Him and replacing them with joy, love, and peace. I knew that God had my back. There was nothing I had to do but trust Him and keep renewing my mind with His Word. Although, there were unfortunate situations in my life and tons of trials going on I was at a place of rest; knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, my son and I were going to be MORE than ok. Jesus said that in this world we will go through trials and tribulations but to fear not because He has already overcome this world. What does that make us who are in Christ? Overcomers.
I wasn't an addict but I was good at keeping myself distracted. if I was able to have a night out I was a professional at "bottling up" my feelings to avoid thinking and feeling. I found that my new “drink of choice” was His Word. Instead of going out and drinking my troubles into a numb place I was actually healing from the inside out. I was being set free from old ways of thinking and feeling; ways that kept me feeling less than, lonely and oppressed. My identity no longer lied in what society said I had to be or what relationship I was in but who He said I was. I was truly, born again, leaving the old person behind and embracing the new creation in Christ that I had become. It was and continues to be amazing.
For most of my life I believed I had to work towards making it to heaven. I believed that there was a check list of sacraments to get done to be made "eligible" to make it into the kingdom of heaven. I was so wrong. Jesus said, there is no way to the Father but through me. That we must confess Him as our Lord and savior and be born again. To repent of our old way of life and embrace Him. That is all. WOW! God is LOVE. There is such a stigma attached to "born again Christians" I thought the very same things until I realized and experienced a relationship with Jesus for myself. As we grow closer to Him we don't have to try not to sin or do things that aren't pleasing to the Lord. We just won't want to. That is the beauty of relationship. We won't want to sin a get away with it. We just wont't desire those ways of life anymore. It's the truth that sets us free. Those that are free are free indeed. Amen.
I believed the twisted "sovereignty of God" teaching most people believe. I believed that if someone was sick and died it was Gods will. I believed that if someone was poor that it was Gods will. I believed that if something awful happened to someone that it must be Gods will. Well, I soon learned that was also untrue too. All GOOD and PERFECT gifts come from above. That we are made in Gods image. There is no sickness or poverty in God and definitely not in heaven so that means that is not our portion either. Jesus said to pray ".....Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN ". That means exactly that. His promises are for now, on earth, in THIS life as it is in heaven. I prayed that prayer all the time, never knowing what it really meant. How crazy is that?!
I know that as a believer and follower of Jesus Christ I have the authority to trample over serpents and scorpions and ALL power over the enemy. I know that because God is for me and my son NO one and NOTHING can be against us. I know that NOTHING is impossible with God. I know that as I acknowledge Him in all my ways, trust and rely on Him NOT leaning on my own understanding that He will direct my paths straight. I know that He works ALL things together for our good according to His purpose . I know that we must be born again and He is calling us out of religion and into relationship with Him. I know that there is NOTHING I can do for Him to love me because He already did it for me 2,000 years ago at the cross. That ALL i have to do is surrender to Him and He will continue to heal me, guide me and live through me. I know His word is alive and medicine to our mind, body and souls. There is no greater feeling, no greater peace.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I am not in His Word. I am still seeking Him, Praising Him and in prayer; it will never be enough. I will always want more.
Almost four years of being a single mom God told me to start praying for my husband.
May 25th 2019 God told me to write down what I wanted in a husband. I thought it was a crazy concept because I was in a season where a husband was the furthest thing from my mind. July 4th 2019 I meet the man picture above that is now my husband. God not only answers prayers BUT He answers them BETTER than we could ever dream or imagine. His ways are Higher & Better, Always. He will use EVERYTHING the enemy meant for harm & turn it around for good for those who love Him. Romans 8:28.
So I will leave you with one question that changed my life: “what If I told you everything you are worrying about is already taken care of by someone else?”